You Just Might Find, You Get What You Need: How MS Became My Unlikely Success Story

You Just Might Find, You Get What You Need: How MS Became My Unlikely Success Story

Speakers: Emily Harden

Conference: BSides SF

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=90fAwMP062o

Overview

Emily Harden's presentation at BSides SF, titled "You Just Might Find, You Get What You Need: How MS Became My Unlikely Success Story," offered a profoundly personal and unexpectedly poignant departure from the typical cybersecurity conference agenda. From the outset, Harden clarified that "MS" in her title referred not to Microsoft, as many in the tech sphere might assume, but to Multiple Sclerosis, the chronic autoimmune disease that profoundly reshaped her life and career trajectory. This talk was a raw, honest, and often humorous account of her journey through diagnosis, adaptation, and ultimately, finding a new sense of purpose within the tech community.

While devoid of technical exploits or vulnerability disclosures, Harden's talk was nonetheless deeply relevant to the security community. It underscored the critical importance of the human element in technology, highlighting themes of resilience, mental and physical well-being, accessibility, and the often-overlooked struggles faced by individuals, even within demanding professional environments like cybersecurity. Her narrative served as a powerful reminder that behind every line of code, every security defense, and every conference badge, there are individuals navigating complex personal challenges, and that fostering an empathetic and supportive community is paramount for collective success and individual thriving.

The presentation challenged attendees to consider the broader implications of personal health on professional life, encouraging a re-evaluation of priorities, a redefinition of success, and a proactive approach to self-care. By sharing her story, Harden not only shed light on the realities of living with an invisible illness but also provided actionable insights into navigating personal and professional transformation, making her "unlikely success story" a universal lesson in adaptability and self-compassion for anyone in the fast-paced world of tech.

Background

▶ Watch: Introduction and clarifying what MS stands for (0:00)

The concept of an invisible illness forms the bedrock of Emily Harden's narrative. As she succinctly put it, an invisible illness is "something you can't necessarily see on someone that they may experience." This often leads to a unique set of challenges, as individuals may face skepticism, misunderstanding, or a lack of support due to the unseen nature of their condition. Multiple Sclerosis (MS) is a quintessential example of such an illness, affecting millions globally and presenting a highly variable spectrum of symptoms. In the United States alone, approximately 1 million people live with MS, representing about 3% of the population, a statistic Harden cited to emphasize its widespread impact. Critically, she noted that "no two cases of MS are the same," underscoring the individualized nature of the disease and the difficulty in predicting its progression or symptoms.

Harden vividly described MS as an autoimmune disease that targets the central nervous system. Using a compelling analogy, she explained, "it affects your nervous system in the brain and all of your nerves wear jackets. And MS says it's hot outside. You don't need jackets. Let's take those off. And it's actually really cold. It's lying." These "jackets" are the myelin sheaths, protective coverings around nerve fibers that facilitate rapid electrical signal transmission. When myelin is damaged or destroyed by MS, nerve signals are disrupted, leading to a wide array of neurological symptoms.

Emily's personal journey with MS began dramatically on Christmas Eve 2019. What started as a seemingly innocuous cold escalated into a terrifying episode of numbness spanning from her neck down the entire right side of her body. After ruling out a stroke in the emergency room, the initial diagnosis remained elusive amidst the holiday season. It was her sister-in-law, then studying to be a nurse practitioner, who first suggested Multiple Sclerosis, a prescient observation that would soon be confirmed. The subsequent days brought an excruciating headache, described as "someone had stabbed a knife in my head and then was moving it around," leading to another hospital admission.

Her diagnosis process, though intense, was remarkably swift compared to the typical experience for MS patients. Over five days in the hospital, Harden underwent at least five MRIs, a minimum of two spinal taps, and numerous blood tests. While most individuals endure years of uncertainty before an MS diagnosis, Emily's case was expedited, partly due to a co-occurring condition: pseudotumor cerebri. This condition, literally meaning "fake tumor," involves abnormally high cerebrospinal fluid pressure, mimicking the symptoms of a brain tumor and, in her case, causing the severe headaches. The simultaneous discovery of both conditions during the same diagnostic scans was a "crazy" twist, further complicating her initial understanding of her health.

The immediate aftermath of the diagnosis plunged Harden into a period of profound grief and physical debilitation. She described shaking hands that prevented her from even completing a simple puzzle, spending three months on FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act), and grappling with existential questions about her life's direction. Her previous career in apartment management, which no longer aligned with her passions for connecting with people, theater, and travel, felt increasingly incompatible with her new reality. The widespread lack of public awareness about MS, beyond fleeting pop culture references like President Bartlett from The West Wing, compounded her sense of isolation and uncertainty about the future. This period of intense reflection ultimately became the crucible for her eventual pivot into the tech world, catalyzed by a profound need to redefine her purpose and adapt to her evolving physical limitations.

Key Findings

▶ Watch: First MS symptom: Half body numbness on Christmas Eve (2:26)

While Emily Harden's talk did not present "key findings" in the traditional sense of technical discoveries or research results, it offered a profound set of personal insights and life lessons that serve as critical "findings" for navigating life, especially with an invisible illness, and are highly applicable to anyone in the demanding tech industry. Her contributions lie in articulating a framework for personal resilience and well-being.

One of Harden's most significant "findings" was the power of personal transformation and career pivot. Faced with the limitations and uncertainties of MS, she realized her previous career in apartment management no longer served her. This led her to Techlahoma, a non-profit organization in Oklahoma dedicated to connecting individuals interested in tech with jobs, education, and community. This move from a non-tech role to a "tech adjacent" position as a community manager, and eventually the Executive Director, demonstrated a remarkable ability to adapt and find new purpose. Her experience highlights that success is not linear and often requires courage to step into a "whole new world" when circumstances change.

Another crucial insight was the necessity of re-evaluating and evolving personal goals. Harden openly shared how her 7-year-old self's dreams of being a CEO in a high-rise, wearing high heels, and simultaneously being a mom, shifted dramatically. The reality of MS, particularly the implications for pregnancy and potential relapses, led her to the difficult but deliberate decision not to have children. Similarly, her career aspirations evolved from traditional corporate leadership to impactful community building and public speaking. This finding emphasizes that personal identity and aspirations are fluid, and embracing evolution over "spiraling" is key to sustained well-being. "You're not the same person you were yesterday," she asserted, encouraging acceptance of continuous change.

Harden also presented a series of practical strategies for well-being and self-management, which are invaluable for individuals in high-stress environments. These include:

• The Art of Saying No: Acknowledging one's bandwidth limitations and being willing to decline commitments is crucial for preventing burnout and managing energy, especially with a chronic illness. She cited her need to refuse social invitations to preserve energy for her conference talk as a prime example.
• Avoiding Toxic Positivity: Harden stressed the importance of authentic emotional expression. It's okay to "not feel good today" and to acknowledge struggles without succumbing to the pressure of constant cheerfulness. Genuine positivity, she argued, differs from a forced, inauthentic facade that denies real emotions.
• Proactive Self-Care vs. Reactive Aftercare: This distinction was a revelation for Harden. While she excelled at "aftercare" – taking time to recover after feeling bad (massages, rest, hydration) – she struggled with "self-care" – proactively engaging in these activities before reaching a breaking point. This finding is a powerful call to integrate preventative well-being practices into daily life.
• The Power of Smiling: Citing internet-backed claims (with a humorous disclaimer about their veracity), Harden noted that the act of smiling can release endorphins, reduce blood pressure and pain, and even boost the immune system. This "fake it till you make it" approach to emotional regulation, she suggested, has tangible physiological benefits.
• Applying Project Management to Life: Harden introduced the concept of pre-mortem analysis from project management, where one identifies the "absolute worst thing that can happen" at the outset of a project. By applying this to personal challenges, individuals can prioritize issues and manage expectations more effectively. This strategic foresight helps in navigating personal crises with a clearer focus.
• The Red String Theory of Joy: Drawing from the "invisible string theory" of love, Harden proposed applying a similar concept to professional and personal fulfillment. By identifying small moments of joy or passion (e.g., enjoying public speaking) and following that "thread," individuals can uncover and cultivate deeper purpose and satisfaction.
• Combating Comparison: Acknowledging that "comparison is the thief of all joy," Harden highlighted the curated nature of online personas. Her own Instagram highlight reel, she revealed, hid canceled podcasts, financial struggles, and personal bad days. This finding serves as a vital reminder to be kind to oneself and not measure personal reality against others' idealized public images.
• Flexible Progress and Self-Acceptance: Ultimately, Harden's message distilled to the idea that "progress is flexible." It's okay to "grow" and "ungrow," to change and adapt, and to embrace the person you are today. The "affirmation song" lyrics she shared – "There's no one better to be than myself. Today is going to be an amazing day. My feelings matter. I get better every single day. And I choose to feel happy" – encapsulate this profound finding of self-acceptance and continuous, non-linear development.

These "key findings" are not technical in the traditional sense, but they are foundational for building resilient individuals and, by extension, resilient teams and organizations in any field, particularly one as high-stakes as cybersecurity.

Technical Deep Dive

▶ Watch: Sister-in-law's MS guess & severe headache leads to ER (3:50)

Emily Harden's talk, by her own admission, was explicitly non-technical, delivered by someone who identifies as "tech adjacent" rather than a coder. She humorously stated, "Do not ask me to code stuff for you. I'm very bad at coding. I know HTML and CSS and I started JavaScript and said absolutely not." Therefore, a traditional "technical deep dive" into code, protocols, or architectures is not applicable to the content of her presentation.

However, the very nature of her talk, delivered at a prominent security conference, invites a meta-technical reflection on the human factors that underpin all technological endeavors, including cybersecurity. Her journey with Multiple Sclerosis and subsequent career pivot into community leadership within the tech ecosystem provides a unique lens through which to examine several critical, albeit often overlooked, aspects of the tech industry:

Firstly, Harden's experience underscores the vital role of accessibility and inclusion within technology. While she didn't delve into specific WCAG (Web Content Accessibility Guidelines) standards or assistive technologies, her narrative implicitly highlights the necessity of designing digital and physical environments that accommodate individuals with diverse abilities and health conditions. Her reliance on a scooter at Disney World, for example, is a tangible illustration of the need for physical accessibility. In the digital realm, this translates to inclusive design principles that ensure software, websites, and tools are usable by everyone, regardless of physical or cognitive limitations. For tech companies, this means investing in inclusive UI/UX design, providing flexible work arrangements (like the remote role she found at Techlahoma), and fostering a culture that understands and supports employees with invisible illnesses. These considerations are not merely ethical; they are critical for broadening the talent pool and fostering innovation.

Secondly, Harden's journey into Techlahoma, a non-profit connecting people to tech jobs and education, illuminates the crucial function of community building in the tech sector. While she didn't discuss specific open-source project governance models or developer community platforms, her role as Community Manager and then Executive Director of such an organization is inherently "tech adjacent" and vital. These roles involve fostering collaboration, facilitating knowledge exchange, and providing pathways for individuals to enter and thrive in tech, even if they aren't directly coding. This highlights the ecosystemic nature of technology, where support structures, educational initiatives, and networking opportunities are as essential as the core technical development itself. The success of a tech community, and by extension, the security posture of its members, relies on robust human networks and shared resources.

Thirdly, Harden's explicit mention of applying pre-mortem analysis – a concept rooted in project management and risk assessment – to her personal life offers a direct, albeit metaphorical, link to technical methodologies. In project management, a pre-mortem involves imagining that a project has failed and then working backward to identify potential causes. This proactive risk identification strategy is a standard practice in software development lifecycles (SDLC), incident response planning, and security architecture reviews. By suggesting its application to personal challenges ("what is the absolute worst thing that can happen?"), Harden implicitly advocates for a structured, analytical approach to problem-solving that transcends domains. This demonstrates how rigorous technical thinking can be cross-pollinated into personal resilience strategies, reinforcing the idea that effective planning and foresight are universal competencies.

Finally, her talk broadly touches upon human factors engineering and organizational psychology as they relate to productivity and well-being in tech. While not explicit, her discussion of managing bandwidth, avoiding toxic positivity, and practicing self-care are all critical components of sustaining human capital in high-pressure fields. The "always-on" culture prevalent in many tech roles, particularly cybersecurity, often leads to burnout. Harden's personal experience of needing to "hold herself back" and not push herself at "every moment of every day" speaks to the need for better work-life balance frameworks and employee support systems within tech organizations. These are not typically "technical" topics, but they directly impact the performance, retention, and overall security consciousness of a technical workforce. The human brain, after all, is the ultimate "processor," and its optimal functioning is paramount for any technical endeavor.

In summary, while Emily Harden's presentation lacked traditional technical content, it provided a profound "deep dive" into the human infrastructure that supports all technology. It challenged the audience to think about the broader implications of health, community, and personal resilience on the tech industry, advocating for a more empathetic, inclusive, and human-centric approach to building and sustaining the technological future.

Demo / Proof of Concept

▶ Watch: Official MS diagnosis and concurrent pseudotumor cerebri (5:50)

Emily Harden's presentation did not include a traditional technical demonstration or proof of concept in the cybersecurity sense. Her talk was a personal narrative, and the "proof of concept" was her own lived experience and the transformation she underwent. Her story served as a powerful testament to the human capacity for adaptation, resilience, and finding new paths to success in the face of significant personal challenges.

Defensive Implications

▶ Watch: Post-diagnosis struggle and re-evaluating life's purpose (7:40)

Given the deeply personal and non-technical nature of Emily Harden's talk, there are no traditional cybersecurity "defensive implications" in terms of specific tools, techniques, or vulnerabilities. However, her narrative provides critical insights into organizational resilience and human capital defense within the tech and cybersecurity industries. These implications focus on fostering an environment that protects and empowers its most valuable asset: its people.

Firstly, Harden's story highlights the urgent need for robust employee well-being programs and policies. Her experience with an invisible illness underscores that not all struggles are visible, and organizations must implement comprehensive mental and physical health support systems. This includes accessible mental health resources, flexible work arrangements (like remote work or adjusted hours), and clearly communicated disability accommodation processes. These measures act as a "defense" against burnout, decreased productivity, and talent attrition, all of which can indirectly weaken an organization's overall security posture by impacting decision-making, vigilance, and employee engagement. A stressed or unwell employee is more prone to errors, making them a potential vulnerability.

Secondly, the emphasis on self-care versus aftercare carries significant defensive implications for organizational culture. Harden's revelation about the importance of proactive self-care suggests that organizations should move beyond merely reacting to employee burnout (aftercare) and instead foster a culture that encourages and enables preventative well-being practices (self-care). This means promoting healthy boundaries, encouraging employees to "say no" to overcommitment, and valuing rest and recovery. When employees are proactively managing their well-being, they are more resilient, focused, and less susceptible to the cognitive biases and stress-induced errors that can lead to security incidents. This cultural shift acts as a "soft defense" against human error.

Thirdly, Harden's journey illuminates the critical role of diversity and inclusion as a defensive strategy. By sharing her experience as an individual with a disability navigating a career pivot, she implicitly advocates for workplaces that embrace neurodiversity and physical diversity. An inclusive environment where employees feel safe to disclose invisible illnesses and seek accommodations without fear of stigma is more likely to retain diverse talent. A diverse workforce brings varied perspectives to problem-solving, which can be invaluable in identifying novel threats or developing more robust security solutions. This "defense" through diversity strengthens an organization's adaptive capacity and innovation.

Fourthly, the application of pre-mortem analysis to personal challenges, as Harden suggested, can be extended to team and organizational planning. Encouraging teams to proactively identify "what is the absolute worst thing that can happen" not just in projects but also in team dynamics or individual well-being can help mitigate risks before they escalate. For instance, a pre-mortem discussion about potential team burnout before a demanding project can lead to defensive strategies like staggered shifts, mandatory breaks, or additional support staff, thus safeguarding team performance and reducing stress-related security risks.

Finally, Harden's talk serves as a powerful reminder for the security community itself to practice empathy and understanding. Cybersecurity professionals often operate under immense pressure, and many may be silently struggling with their own invisible illnesses or personal challenges. Integrating talks like Harden's into security conferences is a "defensive" measure against insularity and burnout within the community. It fosters a more supportive, human-centric environment where professionals feel valued beyond their technical output, ultimately strengthening the collective resilience and effectiveness of the cybersecurity workforce. By defending the well-being of its people, the tech industry inherently defends its technological infrastructure and its future.

Key Takeaways

• Prioritize Proactive Self-Care Over Reactive Aftercare: Actively engage in well-being practices before reaching a breaking point, rather than only responding to exhaustion or distress.
• Embrace the Power of "No": Setting clear boundaries and being willing to decline commitments is crucial for managing personal bandwidth and preventing burnout, especially for those with chronic conditions.
• Cultivate Authentic Positivity, Not Toxic Positivity: Allow space for genuine emotions, including feeling bad, and avoid the pressure to maintain a constantly cheerful facade.
• Embrace Personal Evolution, Not Spiraling: Recognize that personal identity, goals, and capabilities are fluid and can change over time. View these changes as growth and adaptation rather than a loss or failure.
• Apply Project Management Principles to Life: Utilize analytical tools like pre-mortem analysis (identifying the worst-case scenario upfront) to better plan for and navigate personal challenges and potential setbacks.
• Guard Against the Thief of Comparison: Be mindful that online personas are curated and do not reflect the full reality of anyone's life. Focus on your own journey and progress rather than comparing yourself to others.
• Acknowledge the Universality of Disability: The disability community is one anyone can join at any time, emphasizing the importance of empathy, preparedness, and support for all.

About the Speaker(s)

Emily Harden is a compelling speaker and advocate who candidly shared her journey of living with Multiple Sclerosis. Describing herself as "tech adjacent," she finds comfort and connection within the tech community, despite not being a programmer (she humorously admits to stopping at JavaScript). Her career path took a significant turn after her MS diagnosis in December 2019, leading her away from apartment management into the tech world.

Harden became deeply involved with Techlahoma, a non-profit organization dedicated to fostering the tech community in Oklahoma by connecting individuals with jobs, education, and resources. She rose from a part-time community management role to eventually serve as the Executive Director of Techlahoma, a testament to her passion for connecting people and building supportive networks. A conference speaker, Emily uses her platform to share her personal experiences, advocating for understanding, self-care, and adaptability in professional and personal life. She is currently navigating the process of applying for disability, continuing to manage the ongoing challenges of MS, and remains accessible for connection and conversation via her website, harden.page.